Saturday, June 12, 2010

If I Could Rule The World...

Today we’re going to take a different route with the “health and fitness” blog. I’ve had a healthy week of eating but I slacked on the fitness aspect (shocker).
With that being said, as I continue to age (gracefully) I find myself pondering the following question, “Rich and Powerful or Middle Class and Happy?”

I finally came to the conclusion that I would never make it to upper management because I would make certain demands that they couldn’t, nay, wouldn’t fulfill. My demands would be as follows:
1. Work week – Two Days. Weekend – Five days
2. Private chef to prepare all meals. Not for everyone of course, that’s just dumb. Just for me.
3. The ability to smoke at any given time INSIDE the building. Sometimes stress gets the best of me and I just need the nicotine. Walking outside, although refreshing, can be very time consuming. Again, this rule only applies to me. It’s not a smokey bar people!
4. To make sure we keep a healthy and fun work environment, upon my command, my subordinates will drop it like it’s hot. Drop drop it like it’s hot.
5. Every day is jeans day and is mandatory. Anyone that dresses up will be subject to disciplinary action up to but not limited by termination.
6. Jillian Michaels will be my private fitness coach. She will be required to always be around to whip me in to shape. This may put a damper on her new series “Losing it with Jillian” but that’s not really my problem. After all, this is my world and she’s just living in it.
I’m sure you will agree that these demands are NOT outrageous. I’m expecting an offer letter any day now to rule the world.

Insert evil laugh,
Fluffy in Frisco

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

A Little Less Fluffy....But Still Insane

Hello, my name is Fluffy and it’s been 3 months since my last confession…errr Bloggie.
As you can all see, I’m a little A.D.D. and I have problems sticking with ANYTHING (except eating…I’ve always been super good at that). My fascination with new “projects” is usually short lived but I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf! Rather than talk about the things that have changed over the last three months, I thought I would go over the things that haven’t.
-I’m still fluffy (although I will point out that I’ve lost 12 pounds since February!!! (High Fives and Jazz Fingers)
-I’m still struggling with my obsession with food (removing “deep fried” as an option would be quite helpful)
-I’m still trying to fit in to that teeny weenie bikini (alright…I’ll even settle for an old lady suit at this point)
-I’m still using the 30 day jump start book (although I’m currently using it as a bookend for all the other diet books/cookbooks I don’t use)
-and I’m still waiting for Jessica Simpson to accept my friend request on Facebook. (its been like 5 months and I’m really starting to take this personally!)

Moving on. I’ve made yet another donation to the weight loss industry (the third major donation for 2010. What can I say, I’m a giver). I purchased the Insanity DVD workouts. I was pretty excited when I initially ordered them. Of course that was mainly because I knew that it would take a couple weeks for the DVDs to make it over from China, thus further delaying my new project. I received them last Wednesday but didn’t start just yet. I wanted to make sure that they were fully acclimated to their new home.
Sunday was the big Day One! This involved doing a FIT test. I later realized that was actually an acronym for “Fluffy’s in Trouble”. After what I thought was 45 minutes, Shaun T said “ok, now we’re done with the warm-up”. WARM UP?!?!!? I already can’t feel my legs, my heart is about to beat out of my chest and I’m sweating in places that it should be illegal to sweat from! Deep breath in, deep breath out. Over the next 20 minutes I went through 8-10 exercises to determine my unFIT level. At one point in the workout, I took a break to go show my husband Will just how awesome I was for getting up and working out on a Sunday morning. He was quick to point out that it’s not “working out” if I’m in there talking to him. Minor detail.
I had to skip working out on Monday. I’ll blame work…yes it was work that kept me from it! I did, however, wake up at 5:40 this morning to do the first official workout. It was a little over 40 minutes long and definitely lived up to its name. It was INSANE. Shaun T said to work at my own pace so that’s just what I did. I don’t want to get burned out too early so I will admit that today involved a lot of marching in place. Although it’s safe to say that I still got an amazing workout. I was breathing heavily and sweating profusely. My legs hurt, my back hurts, my fingers hurt……my everything hurts!

2 days down, 58 days to go.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Every dog has his day....

I decided to double up today since I’ve been out for a bit. My fans have been complaining that I’m not blogging enough (love you mommy). So here’s post number two for today.

In today’s society, pampering our pets has become much more prevalent. Since dogs and cats alike are now getting star treatment, it makes me wonder if they feel the same way we do. Do they get jealous, sad, envious, excited or depressed?

I was looking at Greta yesterday and it made me think, why don’t dogs have arm flab? When I hold up my arm and wave it back and forth, there’s enough flab to provide air circulation for a third world country. Why don’t animals have to suffer from this as well? Do dogs ever look in the mirror and with a deep sigh say “I really gotta cut out the people food”. Do they have to count the number of dog bits they take in each day?

Any dog can have a giant gut and 43 rolls but still have legs of steel. Why is this? Don’t say it’s because they walk around on all fours so that gives them muscle because I walk on two legs all day they are far from being steel like. Most dogs just lay around all day, shouldn’t this make them all fat? Do you think when a dog eats people scraps, they make a mental note to run 10 extra circles around the ottoman?

When Harley the cat is out roaming the neighborhood, do you think she looks at Scooter the cat and purrs, “Damn, I’d kill for those thighs” The thing is, Fluffy probably would actually kill Scooter over those thighs! I’ve decided that thigh-jealousy is what lies behind every cat fight.

I will say that there’s at least one good thing about being an animal (besides the MANY obvious reasons). They don’t have to worry about denim dips!!! All pet clothes are either made with Velcro or stretchy material. If Peaches is bloated, she can just adjust the strap a little (ok, her master has to adjust the strap since she doesn’t have opposable thumbs..sucker) or even better she can forego clothing altogether.

I have concluded that I shall return in my second life as a dog (watch out Harley, there’s a new cat in town and her name is Fluffy)!!

Fluffy in Frisco

Perception is Reality

It seems that I go missing for a few days every once in while from Blog World. I think writers refer to this as writer’s block. I, of course, suffer from something much more serious…..laziness. Good thing I’m pretty! Today I want to talk about Perception. How we perceive ourselves as well as how others perceive us.

I took a stroll down Memory Lane and remembered a time that a lady called me a “hot mess”. With a big smile on my face I did a massive hair flip and said “THANKS”. She was very quick to let me know that wasn’t a compliment. I was sad for a moment but then realized that I shouldn’t be disheartened by a woman with a full mustache and more hair on her legs than should EVER be allowed. Just think of all the blankets that could be woven from that! (ok..don’t. that’s a little gross)

That made me realize that sometimes other people don’t think we’re nearly as good looking as we do and that also means that many people think we are much better looking than we see ourselves. Oh what a tangled web we weave. (yep…still thinkin’ about those blankets) As many of you know by now, not only am I a quirky gal but I also have quite the random thought path. With that being said, the above thought path brought me to this: Who would play me in the movie of my life??

Now, I’m not saying that I’m the most beautiful woman in the world, but I also don’t think that I necessarily make people want to vomit. I need someone that’s quirky, funny, (kinda) fashionable and quite frankly a joy to be around (that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it). Well, I held tryouts in my head and decided that I should be played by (drum roll please) Khloe Kardashian. I know you might be thinking that I’ve been tossing back a few too many adult beverages but try to follow along here. If you were to make her shorter, cut her hair, add about 30 pounds, take away the fame, fortune, expensive fashion, giant house, basketball player husband and put glasses on her…we’re practically twins!!!! Dream big people…dream big!!!

Sadly, I don’t think she’d be the one they’d cast. Again, today is about perception. I perceive myself as Khloe Kardashian (kinda..sorta…not really). How do others perceive me???? Yep, you got it! Rosie O’Donnell. Not Rosie O’Donnell today of course but definitely Rosie O’Donnell in A League of Their Own. (Rosie, if you’re reading this I think you’re awesome….not so much sexy or beautiful….but definitely neat-o)

And now I’m sad.

And now I’m hungry.

Life can be a real b*tch sometimes!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Denim Dips

The good thing about gearing up for month end at work is that you get to wear jeans. The bad thing about gearing up for month end is getting to wear jeans. Nope, you didn’t read that wrong. Jeans Day can be a friend as well as a foe. As much as I get excited about wearing jeans, I do not like the ritual I have named “Denim Dips”. For those of you that don’t know about these, let me just say, I hate you. Denim dips date back to the early 1700s (made up fact, please don’t research).

As we all know, there’s a shrinking fairy that comes in between wears of our jeans. It’s his sole purpose to make your jeans smaller so that it takes 45 minutes to get them on the next time you want to wear them.

Denim dips should be performed as follows:
1. Pick your lucky pair of jeans
2. Put both legs in and get a very tight grip of the waist. Please avoid using the belt loops as this will only result in disaster.
3. Jump up and down several times then wiggle each leg separately. This should all be done WHILE also pulling upward with the waist band.
4. Once they’ve made it past your hips, you can now perform the official “Dip”. Bend over forward, then back, then side to side. Do front lunges, then side lunges. **please continue to hold the waistband** Now throw in a couple of squats for good measure.
5. Take a deep breath. Hold it. Now’s the moment of truth, will they zip? SUCCESS.

Over the years of performing this ritual, I have learned that it’s VERY important that this be performed behind closed doors. Spouses, boyfriends, and friends alike just don’t get it. It’s much easier to hide it than explain it!

I’ve decided this is why Jillian Michaels wears spandex so much. With spandex, you don’t have to worry about Denim Dips (just the muffin top it creates for those of us that don’t have Six Pack Abs).

Since it has kind’ve become my “thing” to end with a quote, song or rap, I’ll end with my new Denim Dip rap. Yes, I’m multi-talented. Not only am I writing this blog, a rap for Greta the dog, and Twas the Night Before Weigh In (to be shared at a later date) but I’ve also written the first verse of what I can only imagine will soon be a hit in the rap world. Please sing the following while performing Steps 3 & 4 above.

My hips, my thighs
My scale’s been tellin’ me lies
Dip front, then back and side to side,
Don’t stress out, take it all in stride.

Soon to be named Da Fluff (my rapper name),
Fluffy in Frisco

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Fluff Control

Today I want to talk about something REALLY important….commercials. (I know…deep huh?)

I’ve decided that something needs to be done about all these commercials with fatty foods. When I sit down with a plate of food that I can only assume would leave even a Nat wanting more, the LAST thing I want to see on my TV screen is a juicy, succulent bacon cheeseburger, pizza with cheese oozing over the sides, or a rack of Baby Back ribs. ( a little drool just fell from my lip) I know that I’ve said that I have a pretty good imagination but there’s not an imagination in the world strong enough to change alfalfa sprouts and tomatoes in to any of these items.

Therefore, I’ve come up with a new invention. Drum roll please………..Diet Control. We’re able to pick and choose what our children are able to watch so why can’t we do the same for commercials?? With Diet Control, or more geniusly named Fluff Control, you won’t be bothered with any commercials that don’t offer you healthy choices. For instance, last night there was a commercial stating Applebees has several main courses with calories under 550. That’s awesome! Applebees would make the cut! On the other hand, there was also a commercial with Baby Back ribs. We’ll call this restaurant “Fili’s”(to protect the innocent). This would NOT make the cut!

Let’s all join together to FIGHT THE FLUFF. (please stay tuned for details on the 1st Annual Fight the Fluff walk…or pub crawl…I can’t decide)

Vote today for Fluff Control!

I leave you today with a song since I can’t get it out of my head.

“Fili’s baby back ribs, Fili’s baby back ribs. (deep voice) Barbeque sauce”

Until next time,
Fluffy in Frisco

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Lessons Learned

I’ve been absent from Blog World for a few days but don’t cry…I’m back. Today is Day 6 of the plan so I decided to share a few things I’ve learned thus far.

1. At the end of the day the most important thing is to realize that you deserve the gifts of good health, energy and happiness.
2. If you try to do too much too soon, you’re less likely to be able to finish the program.
3. The American Council on Exercise recommends 20-30 minutes of cardio 3-5 days a week and strength training at least twice a week.
4. Variety is the key to successful workouts to keep you from getting bored.
5. “The best exercise to do is the best exercise that you actually do”
6. Once you’re thirsty, you’re already dehydrated.

I tried a few new things with food and cooking this week. I made Doc’s chili based on the recipe provided in the book. Even though it’s filled with healthy items that I might not like separately, when put together they are actually quite delicious. Its one cup serving size is actually filling and doesn’t clog any arteries. I also poached a chicken for the very first time. It’s surprisingly easy and leaves the chicken breasts so tender and full of flavor. This will be a new staple to my cooking. Eating healthy isn’t the end of the world. If you close your eyes and think really hard, anything can taste like a double bacon cheeseburger with fries. A little imagination goes a long way.

“I realized I had a lot to live for.” Nicole Brewer from season 7 hit’s the nail on the head with that comment. We all have our moments that we question why we’re doing something. It’s important to surround yourself with people that constantly remind you that you’re worth it. I’m not only trying to make a change for myself, but for my future. I need to learn how to live a healthy lifestyle so that I can instill that in my (future) children. I don’t want them to ever struggle internally like I have.

Today is a day that makes couples take a step back and be thankful for the love and companionship that has been given to them. A day that gives singles a hope to find that love that makes them all warm and fuzzy inside. A day for people to reflect on the love that they’ve lost and the memories that they’ve made.

We will always have our memories but we won’t always have these moments to make memories. And so today, this day of love, I ask you to live. Live for the moment. Live for your dreams. Live for your future. JUST LIVE.

Happy Valentines Day!