Friday, February 26, 2010

Every dog has his day....

I decided to double up today since I’ve been out for a bit. My fans have been complaining that I’m not blogging enough (love you mommy). So here’s post number two for today.

In today’s society, pampering our pets has become much more prevalent. Since dogs and cats alike are now getting star treatment, it makes me wonder if they feel the same way we do. Do they get jealous, sad, envious, excited or depressed?

I was looking at Greta yesterday and it made me think, why don’t dogs have arm flab? When I hold up my arm and wave it back and forth, there’s enough flab to provide air circulation for a third world country. Why don’t animals have to suffer from this as well? Do dogs ever look in the mirror and with a deep sigh say “I really gotta cut out the people food”. Do they have to count the number of dog bits they take in each day?

Any dog can have a giant gut and 43 rolls but still have legs of steel. Why is this? Don’t say it’s because they walk around on all fours so that gives them muscle because I walk on two legs all day they are far from being steel like. Most dogs just lay around all day, shouldn’t this make them all fat? Do you think when a dog eats people scraps, they make a mental note to run 10 extra circles around the ottoman?

When Harley the cat is out roaming the neighborhood, do you think she looks at Scooter the cat and purrs, “Damn, I’d kill for those thighs” The thing is, Fluffy probably would actually kill Scooter over those thighs! I’ve decided that thigh-jealousy is what lies behind every cat fight.

I will say that there’s at least one good thing about being an animal (besides the MANY obvious reasons). They don’t have to worry about denim dips!!! All pet clothes are either made with Velcro or stretchy material. If Peaches is bloated, she can just adjust the strap a little (ok, her master has to adjust the strap since she doesn’t have opposable thumbs..sucker) or even better she can forego clothing altogether.

I have concluded that I shall return in my second life as a dog (watch out Harley, there’s a new cat in town and her name is Fluffy)!!

Meow,
Fluffy in Frisco

Perception is Reality

It seems that I go missing for a few days every once in while from Blog World. I think writers refer to this as writer’s block. I, of course, suffer from something much more serious…..laziness. Good thing I’m pretty! Today I want to talk about Perception. How we perceive ourselves as well as how others perceive us.

I took a stroll down Memory Lane and remembered a time that a lady called me a “hot mess”. With a big smile on my face I did a massive hair flip and said “THANKS”. She was very quick to let me know that wasn’t a compliment. I was sad for a moment but then realized that I shouldn’t be disheartened by a woman with a full mustache and more hair on her legs than should EVER be allowed. Just think of all the blankets that could be woven from that! (ok..don’t. that’s a little gross)

That made me realize that sometimes other people don’t think we’re nearly as good looking as we do and that also means that many people think we are much better looking than we see ourselves. Oh what a tangled web we weave. (yep…still thinkin’ about those blankets) As many of you know by now, not only am I a quirky gal but I also have quite the random thought path. With that being said, the above thought path brought me to this: Who would play me in the movie of my life??

Now, I’m not saying that I’m the most beautiful woman in the world, but I also don’t think that I necessarily make people want to vomit. I need someone that’s quirky, funny, (kinda) fashionable and quite frankly a joy to be around (that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it). Well, I held tryouts in my head and decided that I should be played by (drum roll please) Khloe Kardashian. I know you might be thinking that I’ve been tossing back a few too many adult beverages but try to follow along here. If you were to make her shorter, cut her hair, add about 30 pounds, take away the fame, fortune, expensive fashion, giant house, basketball player husband and put glasses on her…we’re practically twins!!!! Dream big people…dream big!!!

Sadly, I don’t think she’d be the one they’d cast. Again, today is about perception. I perceive myself as Khloe Kardashian (kinda..sorta…not really). How do others perceive me???? Yep, you got it! Rosie O’Donnell. Not Rosie O’Donnell today of course but definitely Rosie O’Donnell in A League of Their Own. (Rosie, if you’re reading this I think you’re awesome….not so much sexy or beautiful….but definitely neat-o)

And now I’m sad.

And now I’m hungry.

Life can be a real b*tch sometimes!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Denim Dips

The good thing about gearing up for month end at work is that you get to wear jeans. The bad thing about gearing up for month end is getting to wear jeans. Nope, you didn’t read that wrong. Jeans Day can be a friend as well as a foe. As much as I get excited about wearing jeans, I do not like the ritual I have named “Denim Dips”. For those of you that don’t know about these, let me just say, I hate you. Denim dips date back to the early 1700s (made up fact, please don’t research).

As we all know, there’s a shrinking fairy that comes in between wears of our jeans. It’s his sole purpose to make your jeans smaller so that it takes 45 minutes to get them on the next time you want to wear them.

Denim dips should be performed as follows:
1. Pick your lucky pair of jeans
2. Put both legs in and get a very tight grip of the waist. Please avoid using the belt loops as this will only result in disaster.
3. Jump up and down several times then wiggle each leg separately. This should all be done WHILE also pulling upward with the waist band.
4. Once they’ve made it past your hips, you can now perform the official “Dip”. Bend over forward, then back, then side to side. Do front lunges, then side lunges. **please continue to hold the waistband** Now throw in a couple of squats for good measure.
5. Take a deep breath. Hold it. Now’s the moment of truth, will they zip? SUCCESS.

Over the years of performing this ritual, I have learned that it’s VERY important that this be performed behind closed doors. Spouses, boyfriends, and friends alike just don’t get it. It’s much easier to hide it than explain it!

I’ve decided this is why Jillian Michaels wears spandex so much. With spandex, you don’t have to worry about Denim Dips (just the muffin top it creates for those of us that don’t have Six Pack Abs).

Since it has kind’ve become my “thing” to end with a quote, song or rap, I’ll end with my new Denim Dip rap. Yes, I’m multi-talented. Not only am I writing this blog, a rap for Greta the dog, and Twas the Night Before Weigh In (to be shared at a later date) but I’ve also written the first verse of what I can only imagine will soon be a hit in the rap world. Please sing the following while performing Steps 3 & 4 above.

My hips, my thighs
My scale’s been tellin’ me lies
Dip front, then back and side to side,
Don’t stress out, take it all in stride.

Soon to be named Da Fluff (my rapper name),
Fluffy in Frisco

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Fluff Control

Today I want to talk about something REALLY important….commercials. (I know…deep huh?)

I’ve decided that something needs to be done about all these commercials with fatty foods. When I sit down with a plate of food that I can only assume would leave even a Nat wanting more, the LAST thing I want to see on my TV screen is a juicy, succulent bacon cheeseburger, pizza with cheese oozing over the sides, or a rack of Baby Back ribs. ( a little drool just fell from my lip) I know that I’ve said that I have a pretty good imagination but there’s not an imagination in the world strong enough to change alfalfa sprouts and tomatoes in to any of these items.

Therefore, I’ve come up with a new invention. Drum roll please………..Diet Control. We’re able to pick and choose what our children are able to watch so why can’t we do the same for commercials?? With Diet Control, or more geniusly named Fluff Control, you won’t be bothered with any commercials that don’t offer you healthy choices. For instance, last night there was a commercial stating Applebees has several main courses with calories under 550. That’s awesome! Applebees would make the cut! On the other hand, there was also a commercial with Baby Back ribs. We’ll call this restaurant “Fili’s”(to protect the innocent). This would NOT make the cut!

Let’s all join together to FIGHT THE FLUFF. (please stay tuned for details on the 1st Annual Fight the Fluff walk…or pub crawl…I can’t decide)

Vote today for Fluff Control!

I leave you today with a song since I can’t get it out of my head.

“Fili’s baby back ribs, Fili’s baby back ribs. (deep voice) Barbeque sauce”

Until next time,
Fluffy in Frisco

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Lessons Learned

I’ve been absent from Blog World for a few days but don’t cry…I’m back. Today is Day 6 of the plan so I decided to share a few things I’ve learned thus far.

1. At the end of the day the most important thing is to realize that you deserve the gifts of good health, energy and happiness.
2. If you try to do too much too soon, you’re less likely to be able to finish the program.
3. The American Council on Exercise recommends 20-30 minutes of cardio 3-5 days a week and strength training at least twice a week.
4. Variety is the key to successful workouts to keep you from getting bored.
5. “The best exercise to do is the best exercise that you actually do”
6. Once you’re thirsty, you’re already dehydrated.

I tried a few new things with food and cooking this week. I made Doc’s chili based on the recipe provided in the book. Even though it’s filled with healthy items that I might not like separately, when put together they are actually quite delicious. Its one cup serving size is actually filling and doesn’t clog any arteries. I also poached a chicken for the very first time. It’s surprisingly easy and leaves the chicken breasts so tender and full of flavor. This will be a new staple to my cooking. Eating healthy isn’t the end of the world. If you close your eyes and think really hard, anything can taste like a double bacon cheeseburger with fries. A little imagination goes a long way.

“I realized I had a lot to live for.” Nicole Brewer from season 7 hit’s the nail on the head with that comment. We all have our moments that we question why we’re doing something. It’s important to surround yourself with people that constantly remind you that you’re worth it. I’m not only trying to make a change for myself, but for my future. I need to learn how to live a healthy lifestyle so that I can instill that in my (future) children. I don’t want them to ever struggle internally like I have.

Today is a day that makes couples take a step back and be thankful for the love and companionship that has been given to them. A day that gives singles a hope to find that love that makes them all warm and fuzzy inside. A day for people to reflect on the love that they’ve lost and the memories that they’ve made.

We will always have our memories but we won’t always have these moments to make memories. And so today, this day of love, I ask you to live. Live for the moment. Live for your dreams. Live for your future. JUST LIVE.

Happy Valentines Day!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Winter Wonderland

There was quite a surprise outside this morning. Everything is covered with a few inches of snow. The first thing to do in this case is of course to run check the news to see if your local school district is closed. This will determine whether or not you call in to work. (Don’t act like you don’t do this!) Next, was the joyous occasion of letting Greta outside. She runs out on the porch then comes to a screeching halt when she realizes that something is different. Then she looks back at Will and I with shear panic in her eyes. “MY BONES!!” She then begins the scavenger hunt of running around the backyard dipping her nose in to the snow every few feet trying to find the nub of a bone she’d buried days earlier. With the trees and ground covered in such a beautiful and pure white, you can’t help but take in a deep breath of cool fresh air. And in that moment all the tragedy, death, despair and weight problems in the world are put on hold. Then a tiny choir in my head starts caroling and I can’t help but sing along.
“It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas; Soon the bells will start,
And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart.”
(Will refuses to let me put the Christmas tree out again….I still love him though)

It’s moments like this that make me realize that there are so many things that we take for granted on a daily basis. There are millions of people in this world that would give anything to have a job, a house, heat and dinner every night (I didn’t say a good dinner…just dinner). Not only do I have all these things, but I have so many wonderful family and friends to share it with. Today I remembered just how lucky I am!

I was going to talk today about Doc’s Chili that I made last night that was actually really good. We didn’t even dry heave! Then I was going to talk about riding the exercise bike yesterday and doing my mobility and body weight exercises that were easy but effective. Not today though…today I want to stay in the bliss of the snow and hold on to this as long as I can! (and maybe say a silent prayer that it ices over and I can’t make it to work tomorrow)

Quote of the day:
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams”
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Will History Repeat Itself?

This morning I prepared breakfast, lunch and snacks for Will and I. Here’s today’s menu. Breakfast: egg whites, half a slice of cheddar, Canadian bacon on light multigrain English muffin. Snack: apple. Lunch: Pita with turkey breast, alfalfa sprouts, tomato and honey Dijon mustard. Snack: 100 calorie pack raw almonds and a banana. (dinner tonight is Doc’s chili…I’ll let you know tomorrow how that turns out.) In random news, I set off the smoke alarm trying to make asparagus last night. I should probably get my own cooking show soon.

I decided not to bother upsetting myself by going through the whole closet ritual again so I just stuck with Ol’ Faithful. Now, to clarify, I have TWO pairs of gray pants that I alternate out (not that it makes it any better).While getting ready I decided that today would be a good day to give a little background on myself.

I’ve had a weight problem for as long as I can remember. My favorite comeback as a child was “I may be fat, but you’re ugly….and I can lose weight!” (Thank you Uncle Alan) I always hoped that someday I’d grow out of Chunky Town (not to be confused with Funky Town), but that just wasn’t the case. As I grew older, all I ever heard was “You have such a pretty face”. Now, come on people. Why don’t you go ahead and finish that sentence with “but you’re a$$ is HUGE!”

In May of 2005, my life was forever changed. I underwent drastic measures and went under the knife. I had Gastric Bypass Surgery. A lot of people say it’s the “easy way out”. I’m here to tell you it’s not true. Yes, the fat literally fell off but it was still a struggle for me within. Each morning that I woke up, I could see the transformation taking place. When it was all said and done, I’d lost 130 pounds. That’s a whole person! It was such an amazing journey. I thought I’d be a size 6 forever. Well, I’m coming to you live today from a size 12. 

Some people say there’s a skinny person inside just dying to get out…well I’m the opposite. I have a fat girl inside that I can’t seem to shake and that b*tch is hungry!!!!! Some people eat to live. I live to eat. I eat when I’m happy, sad, angry, upset, working, shopping, thinking, breathing….and so on. I’m sure I would eat in my sleep if I could. Bottom line: I LOVE FOOD. The crunchier, crispier, buttier, the better! I can’t even say I’m an emotional eater. I flat out love to eat. Each time I put food in my mouth it’s like a tiny fireworks show going off in my mouth. And I love it.

How do I shake this? Can Jillian Michaels just move in with me and show me the way? If she does move in, will she beat me up? If she says no, should I just kidnap her? Can I be fixed? Will I struggle for the rest of my life? Or, will now be the time that I finally rise above Chunky Town? So many questions unanswered and so many tears that aren’t yet dry.

Today’s blog is a little too “Debbie Downer” for my own taste so I’ve decided to close with the first verse of the rap song that I’m writing for our dog, Greta. She loves it and I hope you will too.

They call her Greta (clap clap)
Cuz that’s her name (claaaap)
She ain’t lookin’ for love boys
She wants fortune and fame

Keepin’ it real,
Fluffy in Frisco

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

1 day down, 29 to go

Day One is finally here! I woke up this morning with a new attitude and was ready to rock this challenge. Then there was a minor road block. It appears that someone…or something…snuck in to my closet and shrunk all my clothes. (clearly the only explanation) Black pants, nope can’t breathe. Khaki pants, nope and where did that roll come from? I couldn’t seem to find anything in my closet with an elastic waistband so gray pants it is (for the second time this week..but who’s counting).

I didn’t let that get me down. I got in my car and loaded the greatest pick me up song on to my IPhone. Then, at the top of my lungs I sang, “ I GET KNOCKED DOWN, BUT I GET UP AGAIN…YOU’RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN” For those of you that aren’t nearly as cool as I am, that’s Tub Thumping by Chumbawumba. (I hope that song is now stuck in your head) I didn’t stop there. I went on to jam out to Miley Cyrus. (Don’t act like you don’t love her. A little Hoedown Throwdown is good for the soul) Needless to say, I was in a great mood when I got to work!

My main focus today was to count calories. I’m allowed to have 1480 calories today. Which I must admit was roughly what I ate for lunch yesterday. Thank goodness for new beginnings! To help me keep track of this (and to hold me accountable) I wrote down every last thing I put in my mouth. With that being said, I pose a question, “If you don’t write it down, does that mean you never ate it?” Deep, huh?

I also focused on being more active. I took the stairs, parked far away, and had to walk approximately 15 steps each time I printed something (yes, I counted). Who cares that I’m wearing heels and my little toe is only moments away from self amputation! It’s for a good cause…ME! (RIP…Little Piggy)

Bottom line….I made it through the day. I only thought about quitting….twice, well, maybe three times.

And so I leave you today with a quote from THE Miley Cyrus.
“Nothing’s ever out of reach, so dream dream DREAM!”

Still alive,
Fluffy in Frisco

Monday, February 8, 2010

Research...

Will's working late so I decided to get a head start on my "jump start". I put on my favorite pair of spandex workout pants (we'll have the spandex talk another day) and put in the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader Boot Camp video. I then did what any motivated person on the cusp of a new journey would do............I curled up on the couch with Greta and a glass of wine and settled in for an hour worth of "research".

And so, for the next 30 minutes, I judged. These girls are too skinny, too tall, too short, too pretty, too blonde, too chipper, and entirely too limber.....the list went on and on.

Until that moment when I saw it. Right there in front of me....a FLAW!!!

As a small tear of happiness welled up in my eye, I could only assume this was how Columbus felt when he discovered America! Could it be? Could this symbol of greatness and perfection actually have cellulite??????

Greta and I decided to go in for a closer look. Rewind....pause. I was so close to the screen that this poor, unknowing cheerleader could probably file harassment charges against me. And so Greta and I looked at each other, with hope in our hearts. Ok, so she was hoping I'd give her another treat...but you get the picture.

But just as quickly as my excitement grew, it all came crashing down. Much to my dismay, it wasn't cellulite at all. It was, in fact, splotches of dust on my TV screen. Now not only does this further prove that they are actually deserving of the title "America's Sweethearts" but now I need to dust. :(

With my tail between my legs, I stopped the video and went to the kitchen.

I'm gonna need some more wine for this.......


There's always tomorrow!! (and always a chance these cheerleader's metabolism will catch up with them.)

A girl can dream.
Fluffy in Frisco

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Good thing I didn't start today...

I got up this morning with hard work in mind. I drove to my old house to get some work done so that it will sell soon. I was on my hands and knees trying to get paint off wood floors, fixing electrical outlets and mopping about 1800 square feet worth of wood floors. That's considered a workout, right?? I think so and that's all that matters.

As a treat, on my way home I stopped by Sonic. I remembered reading in The Biggest Loser 30-day Jump Start that you should eat 5 meals a day. Got it. I also read that you should do your best to eat protein with each of the meals. Be it chicken, cheese, or even edamame. Keeping that in mind, I ordered mozzarella sticks and a route 44 drink. I know you might be judging me right now but they did NOT specify in this book that your protein probably shouldn't be breaded and deep fried. That's their bad. They should really be more specific. I'm sure you're also asking why I got a route 44 drink. Well, I had a coupon so it was MUCH more economical for me go that route. (no pun intended) And who does that hurt....it was DIET Dr. Pepper!! It just tastes sooooo good once it hits your lips!!

Well, that's all I have for now. I'm off to start cooking for the super bowl partay this afternoon. GO COWBOYS!!!!!

Wait, what???? The Cowboys aren't in the super bowl? Really? Well, I'm sure that this too is somehow Jessica Simpson's fault. Stupid Romo. Whatever happened to Aikman? I miss him. I don't really follow football so I don't really know if he was any good. I do however know that boy could really make wearing spandex football pants look easy. (deep sigh)

Ok, I better go before I get myself in trouble!!

until tomorrow,
Fluffy in Frisco

Saturday, February 6, 2010

New Husband....New Year....New start....

This morning I woke up and watched Julie and Julia while my husband and daughter (or dog) Greta were peacefully asleep. Who knew that I could be so inspired so early in the morning!!! I decided to follow in Julie's footsteps and find a way to challenge myself and try something new. I mean...this chick got a book deal and a movie out of her blogs.....so why not, right?

I just got married last month and couldn't be happier. Unfortunately, I've begun to fall over to the "fluffy" side. I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to let myself go until we've been married for at least 6 to 8......months. :)

So here I am, happy, fluffy and inspired. I bought the Biggest Loser 30-Day Jump Start. It's got a month's worth of menus and workout plans to get me on my way! I'm going to follow this book and blog about my ups and downs, my cooking extravaganzas, and any other random stuff I decide to bore you with.

Tuesday is the big Day One. I'm being realistic to give myself a couple of extra days. I just ate pizza...with DIET Dr. Pepper and tomorrow is the Super Bowl so definitely not a good time to start that journey! Beer (light beer of course) and football go hand in hand and I don't want to be the one to break tradition. That would just be un-American.

P.S. If I don't look like Jillian Micheals at the end of this...somebody's gonna get hurt. Although, if I DO look like Jillian in 30 days please be prepared to see me rock it in spandex and a sports bra everywhere I go. That's work appropriate for a bank, right?


(so I'm having my husband proof read this for me while I go get some more pizza. Please note that I'm still drinking DIET Dr. Pepper and smothering the pizza with LIGHT ranch. We're off to a good start!)

Signing off for now,
Fluffy in Frisco